The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize