If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
