I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
