I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
