last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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