8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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