i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
