Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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