I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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