i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Actions speak louder than pants.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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