Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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