I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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