I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
