Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize