How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
