Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
