And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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