my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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