I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize