So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
