Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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