You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
