I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
