I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My life is pants optional.
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