my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you made out with another girl for some wings
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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