8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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