I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm like, not good at living.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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