This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
