Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
