Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
