How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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