The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
