You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
