i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
