So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
