I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
