you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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