no, he came in my armpit
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
