omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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