Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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