I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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