Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
