My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
