well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
