The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dick very happy bro
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
