So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
