All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
