ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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