What a fucking waste of an outfit
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
