OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
