I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
