And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
