I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize