I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
