Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
