HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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