She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
