I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
someone owes me an orgasm
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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