All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was so not down for the gang bang
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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