So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
