this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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