Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Acid is not a monday night drug
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i need some magic done to my vagina
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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