Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
