it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I could make wine with my vomit
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
