My first STD was from a foam party
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
did i just pee glitter
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
