nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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