I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
