At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I FOUND THE LEGS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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