Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
