I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
