i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
