i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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