Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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