There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
