I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
