I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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