paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
