They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
