I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
