This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize