So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
