you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
