Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize