Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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