I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
