God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
id be glad to
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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