Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So much rum. So many feels.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
