I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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