WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
