i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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