Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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