im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
