the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize