Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
