I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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