I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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