Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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