It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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