she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
