haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
