Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This house was built for laser tag.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
