I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
