The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
