All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
