i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
did i just pee glitter
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
