he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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