Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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