P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
