what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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