Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
