So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize