You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
