Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
