Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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