Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
