i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
