Little spoons don't ask big questions
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
