She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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