is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
