as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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