please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
